3 Ways Leaders Accidentally Break Trust (and How to Stop)
Trust isn’t just about who you are — it’s about how you show up. These overlooked behaviors can quietly unravel even the strongest leadership.
I once worked for a CEO everyone described as “a Mitt Romney.” This was around 2012, when Romney was running for president and constantly criticized for being “too reserved.” My CEO was the same way — you could be the only two people in an elevator, and he’d still struggle to say hello, let alone connect.
He wasn’t arrogant. He was just deeply introverted—so much so that it impaired his ability to build relationships with his workforce and, worse, created the perception that he was untrustworthy.
Now, I don’t doubt that, by the time you’re running a major media company, you believe your character speaks for itself. Maybe even your resume. But your employees don’t carry your CV in their back pocket. They don’t check your LinkedIn for updates on your integrity.
They evaluate your leadership based on every interaction — every word, every email, every eye contact (or lack thereof). And when the small stuff feels off, trust can erode fast.
Whether you follow the 3 C’s, 4 C’s, or 5 C’s of trust-building, one thing is clear: character alone isn’t enough. From what I’ve seen in the field, caring, commitment, communication, and yes — consistency — matter just as much.
So what goes wrong? Even well-meaning leaders who value trust can accidentally chip away at it. Here are three common ways I’ve seen trust break down — and how to stop the cycle.
🚫 1. Canceling Connection (a.k.a. Death by Rescheduling)
When things get busy — and they always do — leaders start triaging their time. Monthly “lunches with the CEO”? Pushed to next quarter. Quarterly listening sessions? Canceled in favor of back-to-back crisis meetings.
Each cancellation may seem minor, but collectively, they tell a story: Your time matters. Mine doesn’t.
And with that, trust quietly begins to slip.
🛠 Try this:
Set a recurring commitment to connection — and protect it like any other strategic priority. If you have to reschedule, do it publicly and quickly. Explain why it matters to you. Make it clear you’ll show up next time.
🚫 2. Mixed Messages & Audience-Driven Truths
Some leaders tailor their message to the audience in front of them. To the board, one thing. To staff, another. To donors, something else entirely. I’ve worked with people like this — and yes, I’ve made this mistake myself.
The problem is, people compare notes. Inconsistency breeds suspicion.
You don’t get the benefit of the doubt when your version of the truth depends on the room you're in.
Remember that story I shared about the reporter who pulled out a tape recorder mid-meeting because he didn’t believe what a leader was saying? That’s where this ends up.
🛠 Try this:
Choose clarity over charisma. When you change course or shift priorities, explain why to all audiences. People respect evolution; they mistrust contradiction.
🚫 3. Assuming Competence Equals Credibility
This one’s subtle but dangerous: believing that your expertise, credentials, or track record should be enough for people to trust you.
Ten years ago, the Wharton Aresty Institute for Executive Education rolled out a program called Building Trust: A Leader’s Action Plan. It emphasized simple but powerful behaviors:
Demonstrate concern for others
Use non-verbal cues
Talk the talk
Beware of over-competence
That last one stuck with me. When leaders rely too much on their résumé — and not enough on relationships — trust suffers. You might be impressive, but you’re not accessible.
🛠 Try this:
Be visibly human. Ask questions. Admit when you don’t know something. Trust isn’t a reward for competence — it’s a byproduct of connection.
💬 Closing Thought
There’s no universal formula for building trust. But when it breaks? The warning signs are usually familiar.
If we want our teams to trust us, we can’t just be trustworthy — we have to act like it, consistently and intentionally.
✍️ I’d love to hear from you:
Have you seen one of these trust-breakers play out in your organization—or maybe even caught yourself doing one? What helped rebuild trust afterward?
Drop a comment or hit reply. I’m all ears.