The Fear Behind “I’ll Just Do It Myself”
We’ve all worked with them. Maybe we’ve been them. Why refusing to delegate feels secure — and why it’s anything but.
I once had a colleague who was a fantastic video editor and video director. He was one of those guys whose knowledge and skills put most other people to shame. However, there was one catch. He would not delegate. He would not cross‑train other people. He never said as much, but it was painfully clear: if no one else could do the work, he’d always be needed.
Sound familiar?
I don’t know about you, but I’ve had the privilege of working with more than one of these people. The person whose hands are so full they’re spilling over (accompanied by an impressively loud sigh of “busyness”) who won’t, however, hand off a single thing.
In fact, delegation is about as likely to be in their vocabulary as quantum levitation.
Nobody tells them it, but this is what they secretly fear: their value evaporates the moment they give away a task.
And here’s the truth: it doesn’t matter whether we’re talking about a job title or an industry or an age group — this is human.
If leadership psychology has a made‑up name for it, it probably shows up in one of three very real packages:
The fear of irrelevance. (Read: Indispensability Syndrome. Read: Delegation Anxiety.) That little voice that whispers, “If I’m not the one doing it, do I even matter?”
The pressure of perfectionism. (Feed: The Hero Complex.) The belief that only you can do it right. Cue: the backlog of resentment, overcommitment, and the personal and professional stagnation it breeds.
The need for control. (Closet‑dweller: Micromanagement.) Not just hogging the work — hovering over it. No one likes to feel like a micromanager (I say that as someone who has been, and still is, a micromanager).
It’s a struggle we all face.
When It’s Someone You Work With
The easiest thing in the world is to shrug your shoulders and let them burn themselves out. Let them be the hero and watch them crash into the abyss.
Trouble is, experience tells us that rarely works. Instead, try a few of these:
Offer to help (without overstepping). “Can I take X off your plate so you can focus on Y?”
Give credit like you mean it. (Because you do.) Nothing kills the fear of irrelevance faster than being seen.
Model delegation. Show them that delegation doesn’t diminish your value.
Ask questions that uncover priorities. “Of these 43 projects, which do you need to have on your plate to feel it’s hitting its mark?”
Don’t rule out bringing in the manager. (That’s your manager, not theirs.) Not as a gripe, but as an effort to prevent the team from imploding.
You’re not there to change them — you’re there to make them feel safe about sharing the burden.
When You’re the Manager
This one’s a little more high‑stakes. Because it’s not just the employee who isn’t doing the team any favors with an “all‑must‑do‑it‑myself” approach — it’s the whole team bottlenecked by the one person who holds all the knowledge.
There are ways through it. Ways that don’t involve the inevitable showdown after which you’re all left picking up the pieces.
Watch your language. Annoying as it can be, saying, “I’ve noticed you’ve had a lot on your plate — let’s talk about what we can hand off” works better than “The problem is you’re not delegating enough.”
Connect delegation to development. It’s not about doing less — it’s about doing higher‑value work.
Coach, don’t just correct. Design a delegation plan for one task or project: what’s the goal, what resources are available, when do we check in?
Offer a safety net. Make sure they know that if their hand‑off falls through, you’ll be there to catch them.
Reward team wins like they matter most. (Because they do.) Nothing breaks the hero habit faster than sharing the spotlight.
Model vulnerability at the top. Be humble. When you delegate because you simply can’t do it all, own that.
Remember: your job isn’t to turn a hero into a slacker. It’s to help them see their value doesn’t come from doing everything, it comes from making sure everything gets done.
When It’s You
This one’s a doozy. Because it’s the hardest of all to be honest with ourselves.
If any of the above sounds familiar, it may be time to look at the person in the mirror.
Ask yourself: What’s the price? It’s not just you (cough, burnout, cough). It’s your team, too.
Test a small delegation. Nine times out of ten, the sky will not fall.
Reframe delegation as leadership. You’re not offloading work; you’re creating bandwidth.
Challenge the narrative in your head. “If I let go of this task, my value will drop” can become “My value is in defining direction and empowering my team.”
Build in feedback loops. Delegation is not abdication.
Celebrate team wins like they’re your own. Each time you do, you chip away at the myth that only your fingerprints equal quality.
Let’s be real: playing the hero and keeping everything under your watch feels safe. Comfortable.
It’s also wrong. At least in the workplace.
Because gripping every task, every project, every scrap of work may feel like protection. But in almost every situation, it’s the surest way to guarantee that not only won’t you grow, you can’t.
Remember that editor I started with? A real ace. Hard‑working. Talented.
Too bad no one else on the team could step up, because he wouldn’t let them — afraid the team couldn’t get by without him. Which meant he couldn’t step up either.
The thing is: the real risk isn’t that someone else might outshine you if you loosen your grip.
It’s that you won’t move forward if you don’t.
So, for the last time: Which of these is you — the hero, the put‑upon teammate, or the coaching manager?
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